Language
by aurghhh
Summary: Paige gets Emily to practice swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **The origin story of swearing!Emily. Set whenever. I wrote this a while ago and it's, um. Strong language warning, obviously, but also fluffy in its own way.

* * *

Paige and Emily were sitting at the window seat in Emily's room.

"Em, can I ask you something?" Paige asked.

"No," Emily said.

Paige looked at Emily. She just smiled back.

Paige began to open her mouth but Emily just shook her head.

"Why…" Paige began.

"No," Emily insisted.

Paige looked down, then looked back up at Emily, who was smiling more broadly now, pleased with herself. Paige began to laugh.

Emily finally relented.

"OK," she said.

"No," Paige replied.

"What?" Emily asked.

Now Paige was having fun.

"I don't think I will now," she explained.

"Oh come on," said Emily, giving Paige a playful push.

"No, it doesn't matter," Paige said.

Emily frowned and lowered her head a little, looking up at Paige like a little puppy dog.

"Please…" Emily said.

"OK, but it might sound weird," Paige said.

"That's fine," Emily assured her.

"All right then," Paige began. "Why do you only swear when we're having sex?"

Emily laughed.

"Seriously," Paige added.

"No I don't," Emily responded.

"You do," Paige insisted.

"Don't you like it?" Emily asked. "I can stop if you want."

"No, please keep it up," Paige replied. "I love it."

"So what's the problem?" Emily asked.

"There's no problem, I'm just curious why you never swear any other time," Paige explained.

"Paige, you've met my parents," Emily said. "Military family, remember."

"True," Paige replied.

"Anyway, I do swear," Emily said.

"Really?" Paige asked.

"I say 'crap' sometimes," Emily pointed out. "'Bullshit' occasionally."

"They're barely swear words, Em," Paige replied.

"I don't know," Emily said. "It just feels aggressive. It's not really me."

Paige smiled again.

"It is you sometimes," she said.

"Well, that's what you do to me," Emily replied.

* * *

Paige couldn't wait to see Emily. They had arranged to meet up that evening for dinner, but before that Emily was going to the optometrist to get her first set of glasses. She had been earlier in the week for tests, and would be picking them up that afternoon.

They were bored of the usual restaurant they went to, but Paige had found a new bar in Rosewood which she had been told had good food, so they decided to go there.

Paige arrived first, but Emily came in soon afterwards, with her new glasses on.

"Em, you look stunning," Paige said.

Of course, Paige always thought Emily looked beautiful, but the new glasses suited her well. They had large lenses and thick rims, and really showed off her eyes.

"I look like a librarian," Emily protested.

"The world's sexiest librarian," Paige countered.

"Are they OK?" Emily asked, looking a little concerned.

"Beautiful," Paige said with conviction.

Emily relaxed a little at the compliment.

"How are they?" Paige asked.

"I'm still getting used to them, but they certainly make a difference," Emily replied. "Trees have leaves again."

"Well that's good," said Paige.

"Are you sure they look OK?" Emily asked, worried again.

"Really Em, you look amazing," Paige assured her.

"It took a long time," Emily said. "And the guy at the store was so rude. I was trying to choose the frames and he actually told me to hurry up and make my mind up."

"Wow," said Paige.

"He was so annoying," Emily said.

"Fucking annoying, you mean," Paige suggested.

"He was fucking annoying," Emily agreed.

"He sounds like an asshole," Paige observed. "Would you say he was an asshole?"

Emily just looked at her.

"Come on Em, you can do it," Paige said.

"OK, he was an asshole," Emily said, relenting.

"What a motherfucker," Paige said.

Emily was blushing now. Paige was enjoying this.

"He was," she said.

"Was what?" Paige asked.

"A motherfucker," Emily elaborated.

"So what did you say to him?" Paige asked.

"I just told I needed to make sure I had ones I liked," Emily replied.

"You didn't tell him to stop being such a dick?" asked Paige.

"No, I didn't tell him to stop being such a dick," confirmed Emily.

"Probably for the best," conceded Paige. "But still, you shouldn't have to take that shit."

"No," agreed Emily.

Paige looked at her, expectantly.

"Fuck that shit," added Emily.

"Yes!" Paige said in triumph.

* * *

The food was good and the drinks were as well. After a few wines and a vodka and dry, Emily was relaxing into her swearing practice.

"This is a fucking nice bar, and those nachos were the shit," Emily said.

Paige was just laughing. She felt a little bad, but loved hearing her girlfriend talk like this.

One of the staff came over to take away their plates.

"Thank you," Emily said, passing her plate. "The food was lovely."

This made Paige laugh even more.

"What?" Emily asked, once they were alone again. "I still want to be polite."

"Absolutely," agreed Paige. "You are just so sweet."

"Anyway," Emily said. "I need to go and piss."

Paige watched Emily as she went off to the bathroom, admiring her as she walked away. A few minutes later she emerged and returned to the table.

"We're almost there," said Paige. "Now, is there anything you can't say?"

Emily thought for a minute.

"The c-word," she replied.

"OK," said Paige. "We'll leave that one out."

"It's not so much the word, I just don't like that it's an insult," Emily explained.

"So you're OK with…" Paige began.

"I can probably say it," Emily replied. "I just think it should be a good thing."

Paige didn't say anything, as she could see Emily wanted to say more.

"I think they're something to appreciate," Emily said. "I mean, cunts are nice, really. I like my cunt. I like yours too."

"OK then," Paige said, laughing a little. "Maybe we keep that one for the bedroom."

"Maybe," said Emily.

"Speaking of which…" Paige began.

"Were we?" asked Emily.

"I think we were," said Paige.

"Go on then," said Emily, playfully.

"Well, all this listening to you has… you know," Paige said.

"What?" Emily asked.

"I was just thinking we might want to go home soon," Paige suggested.

"Who's getting coy now?" asked Emily.

Paige was suddenly self-conscious. After all day teasing Emily, she was the one who was embarrassed.

Emily leaned across the table.

"Do you want to go home and fuck?" she whispered.

"Yes please," Paige replied. "I would like to go home and fuck."

"OK," said Emily. "Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I originally wasn't going to do another chapter, but I felt like I'd missed an opportunity by not having the other liars in part 1. If you've read that you know what you're in for, though I've tried to not just repeat that one.

* * *

Emily, Hanna, Spencer and Aria were all sitting in Spencer's living room. It was a Friday night and they had got together to have some drinks and just talk about whatever.

"So Em, how's it going at the Brew?" Aria asked.

"Not too bad," Emily replied. "It was a fucking busy week, and we've got a new ordering system in place, which is all ass backwards if you ask me. It cocked up a few of the orders so people were pretty pissed."

Emily did her best to keep a straight face. The others were all looking at her now, wondering what was going on.

"Sounds serious," Spencer said.

"Not really," Emily said. "I mean, it's important not to give crap service, but a smiling face will get us through most fuck-ups. If you're friendly, people won't be assholes about it. I was sweating like a motherfucker by the end of my last shift though."

"OK Aria, how strong did you mix those drinks?" Spencer asked. "Emily's only had half a glass and…"

"Have you got your flask again?" Hanna asked.

Emily couldn't hold it any longer. She started laughing, the others all just staring at her.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's a joke Paige and I have got going. She's been getting me to practice swearing, and dared me to do it in front of you guys."

"So you're not drunk?" Spencer asked.

"I'm not drunk," Emily confirmed.

"Why does Paige want you to swear more?" Aria asked.

"Because it's funny," Emily explained.

"Well you did a pretty good job," Spencer said.

"A damn good job," Aria agreed.

"A fucking good job," Hanna added.

"Thank you," Emily said.

"You're welcome," said Hanna, smiling proudly.

"Are you planning on keeping this up?" Spencer asked.

"Not really," Emily replied. "Though it turns out swearing is quite interesting."

"How?" Hanna asked.

"Well, there are rules for how people swear," Emily explained. "Like, you might say 'unbe-fucking-lievable', but never 'un-fucking-believable' or 'unbelieva-fucking-ble'."

"Is that based on which syllable is stressed?" Aria asked.

"The 'fucking' is being added for emphasis, so it falls before the natural point of emphasis on the word," Spencer explained.

"Wait a minute, is this grammar?" Hanna asked.

"Yes, but it's not written down anywhere," Spencer replied. "People just naturally do it."

"Geez, you can take the fun out of anything," Hanna said.

"I think it's fascinating," Emily said.

"So have you been studying up on how to swear?" Hanna asked.

"A bit," admitted Emily.

Hanna just looked at her.

"English has a long history of profanity and obscenity," Spencer said. "Shakespeare used it…"

"Chaucer…" Aria added.

"Who?" asked Hanna. "I can't believe you guys are turning this into a school lesson. I have _the _nerdiest friends ever."

Hanna sat shaking her head.

"OK Emily, so what words wouldn't you use?" asked Spencer.

"Slurs, obviously," replied Emily, "and things like cock sucker as an insult. There's nothing wrong with sucking cock. I mean, it's not really my thing but it's not…"

"There's a bit of misogyny to it," said Aria. "It's like, some guys think if you suck their cock they own you."

"Exactly," said Emily. "Or homophobia if it's at a guy."

"Why do some guys want girls to do things, then look down on them if they do?" Hanna asked.

"Jerks, I suppose," suggested Aria.

"I'm just glad I've got Caleb," Hanna said.

"Look at Emily, sitting there smiling," Spencer said.

"I'm not saying anything," Emily replied.

"I like sucking cock," said Hanna.

"Thank you for sharing that," said Spencer.

"What?" asked Hanna. "We can say it but we can't talk about it? You all know Caleb and I are doing it."

"Does he return the favour?" Aria asked.

"Of course, he's a gentleman," Hanna answered.

"Can we not go into the details of Hanna's sex life?" Spencer suggested.

"Come on, it's not like next time you see Caleb you'll be thinking about me sucking his cock," Hanna protested.

"We will now," Spencer replied.

"Look, who here hasn't?" asked Hanna.

Emily raised her hand.

"Well obviously, but you two have. And anyway, I like it," concluded Hanna.

"I understand completely," Emily said. "I like going down, too."

"'Going down'?" said Aria. "Come on Em, you've been doing so well."

"OK then, I like eating pussy," Emily said. "Is that better?"

"Much better," Aria replied.

"But I do, I like it," Emily continued. "There's something really intimate about it."

"Yeah," agreed Hanna.

"OK, back to my question," said Spencer.

"What was it again?" Emily asked.

"Things you won't say," Spencer reminded her.

"What about 'cunt'?" asked Hanna.

"Again, not as an insult," Emily replied.

"When would you use it then?" Aria asked.

"Probably in bed," Hanna suggested. "'_Oh Paige, I want your cunt_'."

Emily looked upwards.

"She's blushing," Aria pointed out.

"Aw, Em, that's so cute," Hanna added.

"So, as I was saying," Emily began. "Cunts are nice. They're a good thing. Calling someone a cunt shouldn't be an insult."

"I'm not sure it would work as a compliment," Spencer said.

"Well, no," Emily said.

"You could," Hanna said.

"Really?" asked Aria. "'I think you're a real cunt'. Doesn't sound like a compliment, does it?"

"No, no, no," said Emily. "You'd say 'You're a real cunt to me', and it would mean that the person is really important and you like having them around. They give you pleasure and make you happy."

"And they're very useful," added Hanna.

"Exactly," said Emily. "You would be really sad if you ever lost them."

"OK, now it's getting weird," Spencer said.

"No, it's nice," Hanna said. "Sort of."

"I don't think I'd go and say that to someone though," said Aria.

"No," said Hanna.

Emily's phone rang, but Hanna grabbed it before Emily could pick it up.

"Hanna!" Emily protested, but Hanna ignored her.

"Oo! It's Paige," Hanna said, answering the call.

"Hey Paige, Hanna here…" she said. "Yeah, we're having a great time… You'd be so proud of your girl tonight…"

"Hanna, give me the phone," Emily demanded.

"What's the magic word?" Hanna asked.

"Give me the fucking phone," Emily said.

"That's better," Hanna said, handing the phone to Emily.

"Hey Paige," said Emily.

"Ah, hey," said Paige. "How's it going?"

"Not bad," Emily replied. "We've been discussing history, literature and the English language."

"Sounds like a very sophisticated conversation," Paige said.

"Abso-fucking-lutely," Emily agreed. "It's been as sophisticated as shit."

"Excellent," Paige said. "Are you still on for tomorrow?"

"Fuck yeah," confirmed Emily.

"Em, we might have to wind this back," Paige said. "It's kind of turning me on."

"It was your idea," Emily pointed out.

"I know but…" Paige began. "Wait, I'm not on speaker or anything am I?"

"No, you're fine," Emily assured her.

"She's blushing again," Aria said.

"Emily, we'd prefer it if you and Paige left us out of your little games," Spencer added.

They were enjoying this.

"Paige, I think I'd better go," Emily said.

"She's not touching herself on the other end of the line is she?" Hanna asked.

Emily glared at her.

"OK, love you," Paige said.

"Love you too," Emily replied and hung up.

The others were looking at Emily.

"You all have dirty minds," she said.

"Then why are you blushing?" Hanna asked.

Emily tried to come up with a good answer, but she couldn't.

"Ah, fuck it," she said.


End file.
